A few tears caught me off guard early this morning. They slipped down my cheek while I read, of all things, a newsletter from a neurological clinic.

If you know someone with Multiple Sclerosis, you’ll want to read the newsletter, too, and learn about the CCSVI research that is being done at the Buffalo Neuroimaging Analysis Center. (I’ll offer a link to the newsletter at the bottom of this post.)

The tears weren’t because the article described a brilliant research technique or procedure. Although, the research is incredibly significant. Nor were the tears because of fancy wordsmithing on the part of the author.

A simple thing happened.

As I read the article about CCSVI, I felt the feather-light touch of potential hope. My heart swelled and my brain shouted, “I want my wife healed!” And my eyes dripped with the hope.

Then, of course, there’s reality. It’s still too early to know whether CCSVI causes MS. Nor does anyone know yet what the best treatment will be if CCSVI is determined to be the cause.

While the research continues, here’s what I do know.

I know I hate that she self-administers injections without any obvious return. I hate that she’s more miserable when she takes the treatments hoping to forestall future decline, than when she doesn’t and risks accelerated decline.

I hate that she has trouble walking and can’t run, that words don’t pop out quickly the way they once did. I hate that she has no stamina and that she takes medicines without immediate reward. I hate that she wakes most days with intense headaches. I hate that she can never go as far she wants for as long as she wants.

I hate Multiple Sclerosis. I flat-out, passionately hate it.

And so with tears behind my eyes, I pray the researchers exploring CCSVI are close to finding answers to questions about the cause. And I pray real, effective treatments will follow.

I’m waiting with tears behind my eyes.

Newsletter link (PDF File): Buffalo Neuroimaging Analysis Center CCSVI Newsletter

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2 Comments on Tears of Hope and Passionate Hate

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by GraceBarkwell and Kath Ibbetson, MS LADY. MS LADY said: RT @kathAVFM: Saw this on a blog Tears of Hope and Passionate Hate | Multiple Sclerosis Caregiving http://bit.ly/aUXM9s […]

  2. […] wrote an article recently for my Multiple Sclerosis Caregiver blog. It’s titled “Tears of Hope and Passionate Hate“. In it, I used words I find myself using more frequently as I grow older. The phrase is, […]

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