Archive for the ‘Caring for Yourself’ Category.

Make Time for You

May 17, 2008, 2:58 pm

I hope these first few paragraphs don’t sound like a whine. They’re not because I know a lot of people whose schedules are a lot rougher than mine. My wife’s relapsing-remitting MS is managed well and I have nothing to complain about. But I do want to use comments about my busyness lately to share six important points about making time for yourself.

My schedule is usually more forgiving than it has been lately. I work as a Director of Information Services. We’re building a private, statewide network and implementing new proxy servers, firewalls, switches and network filters. To make it happen, I’ve worked longer hours than usual this past month and all night a night or two each week.

Several years ago I promised myself (and continue to promise myself) that their mom’s Multiple Sclerosis will not interfere with my daughter’s childhood and adolescent experiences. My youngest plays softball two or three times a week, my oldest sings in the high school choir, all state choir, and church choir. They travel. They have friends spend the night. They go to parties, movies, etc. In other words, they’re having a normal adolescent experience.

In the last week at home, I’ve grilled for guests, cleaned, chauffeured, delivered, mowed, done my state taxes, transported, clipped hedges, been a dugout coach and been to doctor’s offices. I’ve cut a wall out of the hallway and built a linen closet. I could go on, but it would only be to support the fact that I’ve been too busy to have time for myself lately. While mowing this morning, I stopped the mower and stretched out on the lawn in the shade of an Elm tree to rest for a few moments. The grass was cool, the breeze blew up the hill, I almost fell asleep. It was the first, pure “me” time I’ve had lately. It was only for a few minutes, but it felt good.

Few people with responsibilities for others have all the time they wish for themselves. It’s part of the deal that comes with responsibility. And the tips below apply to all caregivers: young moms, family caregivers, hospice workers, anyone who care for another.

Here are a few tips to help you make time for yourself:

1. Understand that making time for yourself is necessary

As a caregiver, there will always be periods of time where you find yourself overwhelmed by the tasks set before you. And for brief periods, it is possible to do it all — for brief periods.

But you can’t do it all, all the time, without making time for yourself. It’s impossible.

2. Making time for yourself requires effort

It won’t just happen, so don’t expect. You must make time for yourself. It requires effort. Perhaps you will schedule a set hour each day and protect it with all your might. Or maybe you’ll arrange an afternoon off each week. However you do it, it will require effort to schedule and protect your own time.

3. Making time for yourself may seem selfish.

A caregiver can be so busy caring for another that not caring the full 24 hours a day seems wrong. It’s not. Don’t let yourself feel guilty.

4. Determine what your real “Must Do’s” are.

Life is filled with things we think we must do. Many of these activities are real “Must Do’s”. Bad things will happen if they are not done. For example, I must deliver my oldest child to school in the mornings. I must shop for groceries. I must pick up prescription refills. You know what the real “Must Do’s” are in your life.

Some of the “Must Do’s”, though, may not be real “Must Do’s”. They may only be things that would be nice to accomplish. For these, think clearly about them and then call them what they are, “Good To Do’s”. It would be good to mow the hill this afternoon. It would be good to attend the neighborhood ice cream social. It would be good to read a chapter in the new book. It would be good to do a lot of things that you don’t have time for.

First, do the “Must Do’s” in your life. Then, if you have time to spare, knock out some of the “Good To Do’s”. Or do just one of them.

5. Avoid excessive volunteering.

Notice the word “excessive”. I am a strong believer in the value of volunteerism. Many organizations would be unable to accomplish their mission if it were not for people who volunteer to help. The key word here is “excessive”. And only you can determine at any point in your life what excessive means to you.

However, if you don’t have time to take care of your “Must Do’s”, you certainly won’t have time to volunteer for additional tasks. If you can get your “Must Do’s” done and can make a volunteer task one of your “Good To Do’s” then go for it.

It’s helpful when you volunteer to first set the boundaries around your time. “I can volunteer for 1 hour a week, but no more.” If you set the boundary up front, you won’t feel guilty about setting it later when you’re overwhelmed. Volunteer organizations (with the best intentions) can be incredible time suckers. Your time boundaries are important.

6. Take time off.

Most employers offer vacation leave as an employee benefit. They do it because they know employees are better able to do their tasks if they are refreshed and if they can re-create themselves from time to time.

Caregivers must take advantage of this bit of wisdom from the world of work. Take time off. Make arrangements for friends or other family members to fill in on your “Must Do’s”. Set aside your “Good To Do’s” and take time off.

Make it your time. Do what you need to do to pull yourself back together.

As I wrote in my very first post, put on your own oxygen mask first. If you passout because you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll never be able to care for another.

Caregiver Tip: Make time for yourself.

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Eye test and heat-related multiple sclerosis symptoms

April 23, 2008, 8:48 pm

Dr. Elliot Frohman, professor of neurology and ophthalmology, led a research experiment on people with multiple sclerosis that demonstrates that increases in heat increase the severity of an eye-movement disorder called internuclear opthalmoparesis (INO).

“Eye test peers into heat-related multiple sclerosis symptoms” on the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center web site describes the experiment which was published in the March 25, 2008 issue of Neurology.

Dr. Frohman serves as the Director of the Multiple Sclerosis Clinical Center at UT Southwestern.

Visit http://www.utsouthwestern.org/neurosciences to learn more about
UT Southwestern’s clinical services in neurosciences.

Information about the Multiple Sclerosis program at UT Southwestern in Dallas, Texas is available at:
http://www.utsouthwestern.edu/patientcare/medicalservices/neuro/ms.html

From the MS Program’s web page: “Recognized as a world leader in the research and treatment of multiple sclerosis, the Multiple Sclerosis Program at UT Southwestern Medical Center serves more than 3,900 patients with an all-encompassing program equipped to handle the wide range of symptoms that normally makes the disease difficult to treat. The overriding philosophy of the clinical care mission is to treat the whole patient with a team approach.”

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Exercise

March 24, 2008, 12:25 pm

I grilled for the family Easter dinner after church yesterday.  My parents came over and during the day we had several interesting conversations.  One of the more interesting was about whether my wife and I would remarry if one of us dies early.  We’re both in our mid-40’s.

My oldest daughter participated in the conversation saying, “If Daddy dies early, I think Mom should remarry so she’ll have someone to take care of her.”  I agree.  And while I hope I outlive her, if I don’t, I want her to remarry (but only if she finds a man who loves her and my girls as I do).  There are a lot of conclusions one can draw from my daughter’s comment, but the one I’m thinking of today is that I should really take better care of myself!  (The conversation also points out the importance of family caregivers having enough life insurance to ensure care for an MS patient who remains.)

Now when it comes to longevity, I do have several pluses.  I have a low stress job.  I don’t drink, smoke, do drugs or overeat.  I have no known physical ailments.  My checkups are always good.  I’m a safe driver, wear my seatbelt and do most of my driving in low risk areas.  I don’t play with fire, skydive or do race cars.  I come from a family with good longevity genes.  I have good blood pressure and avoid too much salt.  I’m only a few pounds over my ideal weight.

One significant minus concerns me, though.  I don’t exercise regularly.  In fact, the main reason I push a lawn mower over my 2 acres of grass in the Summer instead of riding a tractor is that mowing is good exercise.  Unfortunately, that’s about all the exercise I get.  I walk around the block a few times a month with my daughters, but I’m sure that’s not enough to be considered regular exercise.

I’m not too old to exercise.  I have a friend of a similar age who plays hours of basketball each Saturday night … often until midnight!  Another friend works out with weights three times a week during lunch.

Why don’t I exercise?  Probably for the same reason many caregivers fail to exercise:  it requires an investment of time and time is always in short supply.  That sounds like a good excuse, but I know it’s not.  I have no good excuse.  I should buy a bike and hit the road.  Maybe start running.  Something.

To be rational, it does no good to wish for a long life if one doesn’t do everything required to live long.  I must exercise regularly.

Caregivers Tip:  Exercise.  It’s good for you and your increased health will be good for your loved ones.

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Even God rested

February 17, 2008, 4:35 pm

It’s Sunday.  In many cultures, this is a day of rest.

Do you find it difficult to slow down and catch your breath? In the best of situations, finding time to relax can be difficult. However, even brief breaks help.

This afternoon I bulk-loaded some Kodak Plus-X125 black and white film, grabbed my old Pentax and laid down in the yard to take some macro shots of the blooming daffodils and budding roses. I haven’t taken pictures like this in more than 20 years and it felt great.

I wasn’t in the yard more than 30 minutes. But the 30 minutes were exquisite. The sky is crispy blue, the few small clouds are scattered far apart, the breeze is cool and bouncy, the temp is perfect and the humidity is low. In other words, it’s the perfect day to lay in the grass with my old lens a few inches from a bright, yellow daffodil.

Scripture notes that on the seventh day of creation even God rested. I can tell you, it sure feels good.

Caregiver Tip: Take a rest!

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